omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
