I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
