I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
