***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
