ugly people sure do ruin things
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
