Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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