We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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