Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We're too hungover to prance.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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