What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
