YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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