Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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