Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
