I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize