let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
