im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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