It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
