That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
