i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
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He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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