Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
