Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
