just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
