I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
That's when you crack a 10am beer
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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