I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
