I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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