Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
