uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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