My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
