put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
