is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
