After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
