I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
