I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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