the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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