Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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