You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
