I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
