so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Your cock deserves a montage
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
