I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
