to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
