She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize