Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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