So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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