At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
