I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Someone came in the potted fern
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You've changed since you got that strap on
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
