Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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