this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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