I think I died a long time ago.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
