tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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