bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
