If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
