My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
