Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
