She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
love makes seman taste better
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
