i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
