yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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