so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
