and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
