I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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