I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
