Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
