he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
