I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
