You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
