peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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