Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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