So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
