It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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