I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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